Acceptance: How to avoid attaching to your problems

Most people are familiar with the serenity prayer. This simple invocation has been popularly utilised to the point of irreligiosity because it calls upon three universal truths. The first is to have the courage to accept the things you can’t change. Then it is to have the strength to change the things you can control. Lastly, it is the wisdom to know the difference. I believe there is just as power in beating your demons as there is in acquiescing. This is why knowing when to raise the white flag is the skill you need to transform your life. 

Why is acceptance important?

The human ego can play tricks on your mind without you even knowing. It makes you believe that everything is within your control. If there is a problem that you can’t solve, it feels like a personal failing. The truth is, no-one is an omnipotent god. Accepting this reality will help you develop the humility needed to realise that life is not a movie under your direction. Becoming humble can also assist you in having a better grip of reality.

You may find yourself faced with a situation that you aren’t equipped to deal with. The voice that tells you “this is fine. I can fix it. I have this under control.” clouds your judgement. Choosing to be in denial instead of embracing reality is what stops you accepting the facts. It blocks you from being able to formulate a real escape plan. Taking accountability and accepting reality is the first step to becoming a better problem solver. Once you accept that a problem is real, you are that much closer to a resolution.

This is also when you can finally take a break from ruminating. Stewing with the same dilemma is known to trigger anxiety disorders and depression. Relinquishing control and accepting that you can’t dictate the outcome can relieve the mind of this pressure. You either formulate a solution, or you move on – either way, don’t lose yourself to overthinking. In a way, acceptance can be seen as an assertion of control. You dictate your attitude and reaction, not the other way around. Find peace with the unfortunate situation, settle into any negative feelings and reserve your energy for things that you can control.

How to embrace acceptance

Pay attention to how you are reasoning – if there are inklings of denial, nip them at the bud. Refusing to openly acknowledge an obvious and blatant problem is a sign of denial. This is a defence mechanism you’ve deployed to protect yourself from a reality that feels out of your control. Have an honest discussion with yourself about what is going on. Admit to yourself that you are in the midst of a dilemma, so you can begin to either work on a solution or heal. Don’t be afraid of the negative feelings that will arise from finally accepting the unacceptable. You may be angry, dejected and frustrated – this is just the beginning of the journey. Practise self-compassion.

If you can’t be kind to yourself, speak to a loved one or a professional. Asking for help is accepting that someone else is in control. But this doesn’t have to mean the end of your autonomy. Find comfort in having someone else deal with the difficult stuff for once. With a clear head and some outside opinions, you can have a fresh perspective when it comes to problem solving. Tackling problems head-on with a solid plan will always beat wishful thinking. And with a healthier outlook, you might find that stepping back was the solution all along.

Stop attaching yourself to your problems and accept the losses. When you allow yourself to let go, you are free to focus on what really matters. Life is already tricky, so resist the urge to hand over the little power you have to solve issues out of your control. Divest your energy on the things that give you strength – life is too short to not pick your battles wisely. Unchain yourself from the shackles of denial, toxic positivity and rumination. Book a consultation with me at Satori Transformation for more tools to lead the life you deserve.